Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
