I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
True strength comes from lack of pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
