I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
