If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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