my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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