If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.