you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero