You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.