Texts From Last Night

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  (510): View more from California

  We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.

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  (510): We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP. http://tfl.nu/sbka
  Replies (14) Good night (1159) Bad night (613)
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  (714): View more from California

  Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.

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  (714): Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover. http://tfl.nu/xecz
  Replies (18) Good night (6669) Bad night (1122)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter

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  (508): I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter http://tfl.nu/gfmg
  Replies (10) Good night (4311) Bad night (1248)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth

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  (865): I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth http://tfl.nu/mdm2
  Replies (13) Good night (1556) Bad night (4364)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles

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  (607): Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles http://tfl.nu/47mn
  Replies (16) Good night (5350) Bad night (977)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

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  (519): DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS. http://tfl.nu/77gw
  Replies (16) Good night (6255) Bad night (1045)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.

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  (214): Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school. http://tfl.nu/ngpq
  Replies (4) Good night (3393) Bad night (725)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation

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  (941): Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation http://tfl.nu/t0q4
  Replies (15) Good night (1718) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...

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  (770): Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now... http://tfl.nu/knzm
  Replies (6) Good night (969) Bad night (413)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20

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  (218): legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20 http://tfl.nu/k23v
  Replies (12) Good night (430) Bad night (896)
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  (707): View more from California

  I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude

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  (707): I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude http://tfl.nu/pine
  Replies (0) Good night (592) Bad night (293)
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  (619): View more from California

  So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...

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  (619): So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush... http://tfl.nu/5wkj
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship

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  (860): so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship http://tfl.nu/7dsx
  Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  So when can I meet her?

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  (505): There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker. (1-505): So when can I meet her? http://tfl.nu/qfle
  Replies (1) Good night (665) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.

  (1-510): View more from California

  Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume

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  (510): I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion. (1-510): Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume http://tfl.nu/f5c6
  Replies (1) Good night (799) Bad night (287)

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