it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.