A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm just so full of love and alcohol