how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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