He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
