Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
