Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
