she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
there is glitter all over my balls
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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