you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
