you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
