20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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