I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
