the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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