I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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