im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
