where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
