He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
