Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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