my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize