My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
