I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
