I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
