She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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