I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
