I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
