I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
