ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
