it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
