i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
