I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
