today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
