when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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