I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
