dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This is the high leading the old right now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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