we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My feet surprised me
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