I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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