my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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