Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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