Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
