A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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