I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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