But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize