he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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