Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
