I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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