I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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