the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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