it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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