If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
