Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
