Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
