I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize