haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
