Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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