ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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