One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
